#my whole life has been around this show
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klance in 2024??? š¤Æš¤Æš¤ÆšÆšÆšÆ
#klance#keith kogane#lance mcclain#im going insane#actually so obsessed with voltron right now#my whole life has been around this show#the ending is so bad bro#i think its the potential it had that draws me towards it#also pidge!! i love pidge!!
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I thought Will would like messing with louise sometimes. Louise doesnt seem to like his sense of humor, though.
(Characters are will and louise from @peachnewt 's story, getting in deep !!)
#okay so im gonna say this in the tags cause im too much of a pussy to say it for real#but ive never interacted with any vore communities before#mostly because ive always felt like it was too āweirdā. also ive just never found any i was really felt comfortable with#but recently (after literal years of figuring myself out and feeling like i was crazy) ive realised i do actually want to talk to you guys#it probably sounds dumb but finding GID and actually exploring a bit of the community here has shown me#that there ARE people like me. with the same experiences and feelings.#after spending my whole life feeling like a freak. finally meeting people who are just like me#okay that really does sound cringe but you know what i mean right?#idk. ive felt more seen and ānormalā about myself in the last week than i have in forever#and i guess i just hope you guys can show me around the place and talk to me about the things that have been stuck in my head for forever#finding this insanely niche community of ānonsexual comfort safe voreā or whatever other terms can be used#has seriously changed a lot for me#and i cant wait to talk to all of you more \:]#gid fanart#will and louise gid
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It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry
( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)
(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)
#I just realized I can call him dad easier than my real dad and now I understand why am I so damn attached to him#I always knew he was a parental figure for me#but now I connected the dots#How when u have an absent dad and a d34d mom a guy shows up in ur life#that tells u life advice that both of ur parents failed to do so#and makes u feel safe the first time in ur life#ofc ud become attached#i know for sure its unhealthy how much i love and miss him#he occupies most of my thoughts honestly#But how could i not cling to him so much when he was the only one who gave me hope in life#i try to keep going and even tho he is not here i keep telling myself whatever he taught me. i keep reminding myself he wants us to live an#bloom and be free#and that's what ill try to do#but you know somedays i wish i could just disappear and be wrapped in eternal happiness#its so fucking hard to pull yourself out of the slump man im so fucking tired im so so tired#somedays i wish id have the courage to off myself but i know that deep down i want to live and ive always wanted to live but i have no idea#how to live. i feel like i finally found a purpose and someone i love. but at the same time im always doubting myself and im scared of losi#g this little hope again and i know i should cherish and use it instead but each day i have this anxiety because rn i have nothing else if#lose this i seriously will lose everything atp. but ill still try bc rn its this or death so i should try im just damn tired yes anyways#sorry for being depressing some days just dont work out but thats okay#yes at the same time i want to get out of my head and try to find some friends but i cant deny that im highkey fucked up and i just cant le#go of my past and i still feel like that helpless unloved kid and idk how to form relationships this way. i dont trust myself at all so idk#how to trust others. and i feel like in order to find ppl that would love me i have to overshare abt my whole lifestory bc it still dictate#my life heavily. and since i met this band its better cuz im learning to deal w it and i want to heal from everything but yes at the same t#me who would wqnt to be friends w. someone that has like a year of life experience and 18 years of depression lol#so yes its complicated. bc i have friends but im like the funny friend. the one that is as shallow as puddle and has no problems but honest#y im genuinely sufferint qnd have been sufferinz all my life so i want to come out of my funny friend role. but that wojld mean i have to t#ll the shit i went through to all my friends but tbh it would be so random so ye. i do have a plan though. how it could work. But yes im ti#ed have been tired for 7 years now. But this time around i hope i can successfully get out of this torture cycle lol.#ok sorry this is what happens after puberty guys i could beva research case for a damn mental institute atp xdd
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like why did they change where Vegeta was when Cell announced the cell games in the anime
why did they make this vegeta starting shit with yamcha instead of chillin in the lab with his family? why did they take Bulma out of the lab? Why'd they say she was Out while Dr Brief was repairing 16? Why did they change Bulma working on advanced robotics to running in late with her baby?
it's the same scene except: - Bulma's actively at work being a scientist - Vegeta's not being rude to her (or anyone else!) - Vegeta waits for Trunks instead of leaving the room - Cell interrupted the airwaves, which means Trunks and Vegeta were just hanging out with Bulma and Dr B while they were working
Those are all Great Character Details!! That the anime rails against!!
#these cowards afraid of showing Vegeta actively choosing to be around his wife and child even when he's Bad#Because Goku who is Good never ever even once makes that choice onscreen outside of filler#and then they justify that choice by making Chi-Chi seem horrid and unreasonable for (checks notes) Not Wanting Her Child to Die#anyway I am once again being bitter about anime vs manga klasjdklasd#I can't believe I let the anime convince me I hated Goku man Goku's SUCH a good and ridiculous character in the manga#the anime just SUCKS at letting him be who he's always been#and has to reframe and recontextualize and reword everything he does so that it seems like he's Actually Quite Mature and Thoughtful nO#THAT's VEGETA YOU COWARDS#also the fact that bulma said she wouldn't live with him at the beginning of this arc to him casually hanging out with her and trunks#after cell beat his ass and humbled him is REALLY GOOD SUBTEXT for their shared relationship having improved without showing it#it's great subtext for all three of them and toei just went 'nah' and decided to make it a whole group shot so ...? Master Roshi could sit#and explain how ??? Tournaments Work??? Just so Cell could log on and also explain how tournaments work?? God it's been so long#since I've watched the anime and now when I do it just makes me mad aklsdjskja the manga is SOOOOO much better#there are some spots where the pacing is more ideal in the anime like goku turning ssj for the first time but like man. everything else is.#like why are you making Goku snarky with Vegeta dude his clapbacks are SO much funnier when they're just Tactless Honesty#like Vegeta's not insulted by Snark bitch he grew up in the Freeza force that man was raised by THE bitchiest drag queens#Vegeta's insulted by someone saying something deeply and insultingly True to his face as if it's the fucking weather#Goku in the anime is like 'a battle of wits hoho' but Goku's purity is part of the joke he's not snippy he's just got no social etiquette#He's just honest! He's not trying to be insulting. That's what MAKES it insulting! That's the WHOLE GAG of why Vegeta can't stand him#Goku is always just telling the truth and it's always the rudest shit Vegeta's ever heard in his life#'it's a sunny day! i'm way stronger than you! see you out there bud!' 10000% Genuinely Friendly. Golden Retriever-Ass Pure.#Infuriating. Hilarious.#anyway I looked at anime clips to make sure I remembered things right and that was a mistake#as someone who has a soft spot for it and grew up on it -- compared to the manga it's bad and it's always been bad#and toriyama was right to be disinterested in watching it jesus christ they BUTCHERED his work#anyway this has been another shot of haterade with sketches thank you for scrolling my rambletags askljdask#dbtag#i just truly can't get over how they make Vegeta call her 'woman' in the anime and he literally only ever calls her Bulma in the manga#except for on namek when he refers to her as 'the/that woman' because she is a complete stranger#why is he calling her woman like he's a 1940s american husband and not an extraterrestrial from a deeply advanced society toei
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I always get detained at da border because PROFUNC never ended but basically I'm like if a targeted individual didn't even care
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I'm not an extrovert. At all. In everyday life, I'm a yapper, sure, but I need someone to first assure me I am okay to yap, so I don't start conversations, even when I really want to join in sometimes! It's just the social anxiety acting up. God knows where from and why I lose a lot of my inhibitions when it comes to talking to people about music. I don't know where the confidence has suddenly sprung from. I've made a crazy amount of friends in musical circles, either just talking to people about common music or (since it is after all in music circles) talking to bands about their own music. I let out a sigh of relief any time an interaction goes well, because in truth it's going against my every instinct. I wish I could do that in everyday life
#like that's the point where we need to remind everyone around me that as much as I say#radio is 'a job'-- it's not 'my job' lol. I wish I was this interested in data science#but like. Honestly?? I'm not even a data scientist!? I answered a few questions about classical AI having come from a computer science back#background and now people are saying to me 'I know you're a data scientist and not a programmer' sir I am a computer scientist#what are you on about#and like I guess I get to google things and they're paying me so I'm not complaining but like I am not a data scientist#my biggest data scientist moment was when I asked 'do things in data science ever make sense???' and a bunch of data scientists went#'no :) Welcome to the club' ???????#why did I do a whole ass computer science degree then. Does anyone at all even want that anymore. Has everything in the realm of#computer science just been Solved. What of all the problems I learned and researched about. Which were cool. Are they just dead#Ugh the worst thing the AI hype has done rn is it has genuinely required everyone to pretend they're a data scientist#even MORE than before. I hate this#anyway; I wish I didn't hate it and I was curious and talked to many people in the field#like it's tragicomedy when every person I meet in music is like 'you've got to pursue this man you're a great interviewer blah blah blah'#and like I appreciate that this is coming from people who themselves have/are taking a chance on life#but. I kinda feel like my career does not exist anymore realistically so unless 1) commercial radio gets less shitty FAST#2) media companies that are laying off 50% of their staff miraculously stop or 3) Tom Power is suddenly feeling generous and wants#a completely unknown idiot to step into the biggest fucking culture show in the country (that I am in no way qualified for)#yeah there's very very little else. There's nothing else lol#Our country does not hype. They don't really care for who you are. f you make a decent connection with them musically they will come to you#Canada does not make heroes out of its talent. They will not be putting money into any of that. Greenlight in your dreams.#this is something I've been told (and seen) multiple times. We'll see it next week-- there are Olympic medallists returning to uni next wee#no one cares: the phrase is 'America makes celebrities out of their sportspeople'; we do not. Replace sportspeople with any public professi#Canada does not care for press about their musicians. The only reason NME sold here was because Anglophilia not because of music journalism#anyway; personal
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going hey now what in the at this compressed playlist thumbnail like i Have seen this waitress promo image & the krampus is there fr
#i would not be surprised to find out she has baked in a professional capacity....she has that warmth#surprised anytime i've ever heard of anything like knowing vaguely abt waitress is one thing but then like & that pic i've seen? wadda#actually that otherwise my direct waitress exposure was that curtain call video from bway (re)opening? like show me nik dodani then#going like stop showing me whoever this is (sara bareilles) zoom out or look Over at our guy whose name they forgot to say? funny guy life#that livestream interview where they baked during it & he left in the middle to go get butter lmao. i forget Everything Else but hey#like idk who anyone is or what any shows are or who's been in them but then the [everyone's all over the place. but also not] happening#just a relief if you're not jumpscared by someone having been in billions. who was i looking up w/Surprise Production Pic like noooo#the end of that interview w/joe iconis where it was like Emojis Representing Shows (already difficult) but then no pressure like these are#shows any of your frequenters & accomplices have been in. & then when joe was like ''who do i know who was in that'' & it was aj shively#i was like Banana Kevin. is my reference there lmao. so often like my grasp of an iconis person is centrally some/an Xmas Xtrav role fr#& then from there like ah yes from my youtube cabaret videos. fighting to look up the other day like oh this specific show will mentions#in a deh vid; only i only found stuff abt a whole other production....guess Undergrad Work On (Others') New Musicals is bound to be so#early development that you're not liable to have coverage / documentation. & now to Really bring this around to a tangential close#just kicking my legs like how much do we owe john simpkins o7
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~ ~ ~
#today I am sad about something that I know objectively is dumb#my 30th birthday is next week and the party will be next Saturday and Iām having a dinner at a nice restaurant in town#I wasnāt supposed to make it to 30 and never thought I would but now somehow I have and so this birthday is likeā¦#a really huge deal to me you know#and I always wanted to be able to have a big party to celebrate this specific occasion and in my head I pictured all my friends/family there#I figured this would be one of the biggest parties Iād ever get to throw because to me this is the biggest milestone Iāve gotten to so far#but out of all the people Iāve invited the most that will probably reasonably show is about 10#and even thatās a bit iffy because tbh Iām pretty sure my bestie will flake on me like he always does#and if he doesnāt show up that might just end the friendship but thatās another matter entirely#also iffy because I havenāt gotten a lot of responses still even though I made the event and sent invites two weeks ago#I justā¦ thought I had more friends than that if that makes sense#like I had bigger parties with more people attending in high school and I barely had any friends then#Iāve thrown low key Halloween parties in my momās apartment that had more people show up#now Iām at the most important moment of my life (so far) and Iāll barely have anyone with me#lately it just feels like less and less people care about me for real despite how many I know around work or how many are on my Facebook#it feels like my world keeps shrinking and I really donāt want that because itās been small enough as it is#I just feel like Iām never really going to find my place or have big groups of friends like everyone else#Iām never going to have a group of friends or people I can rely on to spend time with me when needed#as it is planning things gets harder the older we get anyway just due to needing to tend to adult life#guess I still just want what everyone else has and I donāt know why I canāt have those things#and I know itās stupid and selfish and whiny but I really want to cry because Iām so depressed that I have barely anyone in my life at all#barely anyone to celebrate something so important to me and so few who even seem to care at all either#Iām grateful for everyone I do have honestly#but that doesnāt offset this weird pain in my chest over this whole situation#maybe I should just curl up and cry until this all passes and I can go back to pretending it doesnāt matter#personal
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anyway i need to hang out with my brother again he is the one person who i am pretty sure knows literally everything about me so he's the only person i trust that i can absolutely not disappoint. nothing i can do could be worse than the sum of everything i've been doing to that poor man (and him to me) the past 19 years
#especially now that im back into literally the only interest we actually share on a deep enough level to enjoy it together LOL#i mean we were also both into hannibal but thats just not an enjoyable show to watch together its too much effort#but wow that time we read das boot slash fanfic on the bus together that was awesome#and the time we wrote fanfic together lol LITERALLY WHY DID WE STOP#he has only gotten cooler and more comfortable with his gayness since then we need to write fanfic again ā¼ļø#anyway i feel sorry for every person in my life but i dont think anyone ill ever know could ever have as close a relationship to me as him#were platonic soulmates lol but like not in the spiritual sense bc its pretty obvious that its not some supernatural bond#its juuuust shared trauma haha and the fact that our trauma is so complex and layered that only we will ever truly understand each other#there has been a really rough patch where we practically did not talk for 4... 5? whole years im serious. maybe on the weekends sometimes#while we were stewing in our own shit. but now were inseperable i think it actually pisses off the rest of our family because every time#theres some event where we meet again (we live like 5 hours apart) we only hang around for like an hour before we get in his car#and drive somewhere and hang out there for the rest of the day and night and only return at like 3am drunk#in a sense i guess were catching up on all the missed time#to be honest we both had some horrible shit going on in our heads me with the transgenderism and toxic relationship#him with his anger issues and (what he calls) psychopathy. like ill say this much he was not a good person as a child he was a devil#he was quite literally what some describe as born evil like u know those satans spawns kids that cut off babys fingers and dissect rabbits#all that yk. and i was his first and most frequent victim due to availability lol and my parents did not know any of it and if they did#they ignored it. so yeah u can imagine the relationship was a little strained and for a long time i lived in fear of him#also due to all the death threats and attempts on my life HAHA its kinda funny because i can say all this all detached now#but i think to anyone else this sounds mad as hell. like im not talking roughhousing or being mad at each other#he was always scarily calm and hyperintelligent he was actually diagnosed with some form of like super high intelligence that#makes kids capable of being really manipulative and thats what he used at every turn. everything was always calculated that was scary#if he was nice to me i would question if he was trying to lure me somewhere to hurt me yk?#anyway. sometimes those old thoughts come back when were hanging out alone but mostly i know hes changed and worked on himself#sorry oversharing oh wow
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So I love and adore Buck from 911 and honestly I feel like I relate to him more than most of the other characters on the show. However, one thing that weirds me out is that I can also draw a lot of similarities between him and my dad. Not personality, but just life story. Like the more I learn, the more I'm like, "ah yes, that happened to my dad." My Dad is from New Jersey, not PA, but it's fairly close. My dad had the most wild childhood with parents who were decent but didn't really seem to want to parent him that much. Also, he's not one of those Savior-Babies like Buck, but he was a spare miracle. Like his parents couldn't have kids so they adopted but then they had one! His older brother. Then they accidentally had him. He didn't do great in school and then he went out west to California, had a motorcycle, and worked a bunch of odd jobs such as working on a ranch, like Buck did. He didn't try to join the military like Buck did with the Seals but he did briefly work for them. Also. My Dad married a single mom who had a child accidentally when she was twenty (my mom). Haha but Buck didn't do that though. Nope
#Because he fell for a single DAD#*cough cough* Eddie *cough*#im joking but im not#theres probably more but I'm not putting my Dads WHOLE life story in a tumblr post#this has just been jumping around in my head#911#911 abc#911 on abc#911 show#buck buckley#evan buckley#evan buck buckely#eddie diaz#buddie#true story#buck/eddie#buck x eddie
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I still very loathe the Media Trope of āācold genius man doesnāt feel emotions and never has relationships... UNTIL.. one random relatively bland Preddy Woman comes along and warps his entire personality and ability to think, his heart has grown and his seeming asexuality has evaporated, he is now Normal :)ā or whatever like... AS a walking generic hermit archetype myself.. we would NOT act like that .... just let people be detached weirdos in peace, you cowards .. OR, donāt bother to write one in the first place if you find us too boring to exist realistically in our natural state lol.. patheticĀ
#the only exception to this is its okay if he develops some pesudo-romantic psychologial fixation on one of his long suffering male sidekicks#or assistants or whatever (since this character acrhetype ALWAYS has some sort of like Straight Man Every Man helper to follow#him around and be an audience stand in. sometimes multiple like a whole team of assistants. sometimes just one etc.)#like a strange not-entirely-romance-but-mutualy-unhealthy-comedic-codependence w someone you worked w 25+ yrs COULD be in character. sure.#ASIDE from that one exception though..... just keep them aromantic and asexual.. why would someone who has been that way for their#entire fucking life suddenly be like ''well I've known this woman three weeks but she's really hot! whoops!''#''guess I'm going to act completely out of character! sometimes booba so booby it fundametally alters the dna of me personality. you know ho#w it is'' .. like shut up.. explode#It's not that I project personally onto these characters (writers are bad at writing them and they're generally annoying as shit) BUT just#like... coming FROM the perspective OF a cold detached ''robot'' seeming hermit freak.. like textbook scholar wizard man locked#away in a tower somewhere type personality... You just watch shows sometimes and you can SEE that the writers are trying to write#the Character Archetype that is your actual realworld personality and you're just like 'we do NOT fucking act like that!!!' lol#you know ? like .. i don't actually care about the characters themselves but more just.. the principle of the thing. staying true to what#has been set up. You can't be like ''oh yeah this is your typical cold detached hermit weirdo with zero interest in human relationships for#the most part blah blah blah'' and then 5 minutes later be like ''WAIT GUYS!! LOOK! they're still NORMAL! look they love booba#too!!! haha hashtag Relatable!!'' .. what have you done to him.. you've massacred the archtype.. cowardly fool#Also I'm referencing them as male because this character archtetype is usually male but the same thing can apply for other gendered versions#of the archetype. it's ALWAYS annoying. no matter what it is lol. GOD AND IT'S even worse when they're supposed to be like hundreds or thous#ands of years old like.. some sort of supernatural being who's ''above it all'' because they've seen the world's cycles for so long#and blah blah and then it's like ''omg.. suddenly into romance.. for some reason all 900 years of my life nobody has ever been good#enough but YOU.. random ass person who I met 30 minutes ago and are completely average in every way or maybe you have like one#special power or are smart or something but apparently somehow I've lived 900 years without ever meeting a single other smart person#or whatever but WOW.. you... instant soulamtes.. I am no longer aromantic and asexual. I am also no longer smart.''#at least if it's a human with a normal lifespan you can be like 'well they were only 30. maybe they genuinely did just have their first#sexul awakening' or something but.. you're telling me like.. 900 years??? 1000 years?? and NOW they're like 'whooa!!' lol#Which obviously all aroace people are different.. all people with autism or schizoid pd or any other mental illnesses that can sometimes#lend people towards that type of 'weird hermit' archetype are all different. plenty of these people WILL have relationships and sex and desi#re those things. but it's like.. if you are OBVIOUSLYĀ setting out to write that one VERY specific archetype within the broader archetype#then GO ALL THE WAY!! you cant have someone be like HALF-detached partial-hemrit sometimes-maybe-genuis or whatever#or I guess you can but like. it should be that way from the beginning. it's the random sudden shift in personality thats jarring
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In honor of the ask asking for your top 10 atla scenes.... I now want to know the 10 scenes you just absolutely hate, despise, would want to delete from the show altogether.
(if you don't got 10 it's fine, even only one really)
Haha this is funny,,,
So idk if I would say despise or hate any scene but I can share my least favorite?
1. Aang kissing katara after she told him she needed space. It came off forceful & it really put a creepy energy around aang which I didnāt appreciate. I enjoy aang and i felt it was very out of character for him to do that. i donāt think the writing there was very well thought out and Iāve seen people call him very unkind words because of it,
2. Iroh pretending to be paralyzed so he could lay on top of a paralyzed June. I saw it as a conflict of character because heās supposed to be this wonderfully amazing so wise uncle and yet he was a fucking pervert here.
3. Ummm I would have made some adjustments to the Zuko comes into azulas room to confront her and she acts oddly sexual around him which idk was veryā¦. Weird to me? I think maybe the writers and animators didnāt have the best communication or something because i understood the direction I THINK they were trying to go but the execution was a little too seductive for my taste.
Iām not sure if there are any more I would remove (I could be missing something but Iām done over thinking it) I WILL SAY ā¦ there are some things I would have added to make scenes/plot points I disliked a bit better?
1. katara going up to Sokka after she told him he didnāt love their mother as much as him and apologizing. Like Wtf that was super cruel & the writers should have held her accountable for what she said and made her apologize.
2. Some fucking Ozai iroh background or SOME kind of explainatipn why iroh pretty much REFUSED to have any involvement with Ozai. Even neglecting after three years to tell Zuko Ozai was cruel and a bad father iroh straight up just avoided it in my opinion & then did this whole speech of ābrother vs brother is not a way to end the warā
BUTTTTā¦.
Teenager brother & SISTER is totally acceptable go fuck your sister up Zuko bring me back a t shirt. (Or die idk she can shoot Lightning you canāt sucks for you have funnn looovvveeee youuuyu)
3. Ok idk what this counts as (yes itās a childrenās show so I do understand the children had to be the heroās but likeā¦.) WHYYYYY DID every white lotus member stay in BSS??? I think each CHILD soldier group should have had a fucking chaperone or something. Come on iroh for fucks sake dude.
4. I also wish they would have let katara keep her hand scars. It would be a good message that accidents sometimes carry heavy consequences & even if youāre sorry it doesnāt magically fix the situation. I think katara would have been able to be even more relatable & badass if she had hand scars. (I mean spirit water still gave aang a scar soā¦.. idk this is my more person preference haha.)
Ok sorry this went a weird direction but all together I love the show :) obviously. Haha.
Thanks for the ask.
#whatever they did a decent job#Iām not here to argue politics with people either#these are my personal opinions#& Iām not willing to die on this hill#you wanna argue that iroh is the best fucking uncle in the world and did everything write#HELL YEAH good for you I love that for you#I just donāt feel the same#& that is O K A Y#also Jet#like everything around Jet could have been done a bit more tastefully#he legit had a horrible fucking life and then died#& then his death was a punchline later one#another scene is the whole toph wants to bond with Zuko and he shrugs her off#or he belittles her trauma#idc if he has a āharder life than herā fuck that#everyone is allowed to feel validated#& idk I didnāt like how toph trying to connect wtih Zuko and share things with him was made as a joke#anywayyyy sorry for the rant#almost everything in ATLA is amazing#I obviously ADORE the show#but ehhh some scenes Iām like oh shit that was very 2000s#or wow was to project through aang guys#of course me disliking a lot about iroh puts a damper on a lot of parts of the show that people love#that & the perfect dad Hakoda#like idk what show I was watching#but I missed that part#I see hakodas flaws from like a mile away#anywayyyyy ok Iām done for real#ask#avatar critical
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it is not slacking off to write or create it is not slacking off to do things that are fun i am not slacking off or procrastinating right now i'm allowed to do things i enjoy doing for fun including playing games and writing and such
#if i say it enough i will remember it's true#can you guess which aspect of capitalism i'm struggling with today?#it does not help my bones are somehow WORSE than yesterday even after all of the rest i took so that's Super Fun:tm:#so i've got that on in the back of my head#ugh#i... am putting off calling my grandma - i meant to do it last week but i got too in my head about it#and uno reversed myself into forgetting to do it at all until the Worst Times Possible#(generally around Normal Fuckin Meal Times)#i want to call to wish her a belated mother's day and check in re: grandpa but also...#also i don't want to have to do a phone call i don't want to talk to them about anything at all#they stress me out to talk to and it makes me super uncomfortable to be on the phone in general let alone with a Heavy Topic over our heads#like.... i'm comfortable with where i'm at acceptance-wise with Grandpa's whole situation#and i know i am late for a better relationship with the pair of them in general#like i'm not going to repair a relationship that wasn't built to collapse down to this point this is as far as it got built up to#i'm not building more relationship between me and someone who i know is passing soon when they didn't take the opportunity either#like they had just as much chance as me to improve our relationship after i became an adult and they chose to use my mother as#an intermediary which has stunted their connection to me and that's not my fault#i admittedly did not reach out but i was not taught i could safely do that to anyone#because my parents badmouth literally any person they know for one reason or another#i regularly fuck up in conversations with my grandparents because i'll say somethign that is a holdover from my understanding of them#through my parents and it's like. kind of really insulting! and i've been doing it my whole life and i know as soon as i get their reaction#and i can't recover because i don't actually know them at all#so i can't be like ''oh my god i know that's inaccurate i have no idea why i said that'' because i *don't* know until after i've done it#every goddamn time it happened the last time i got a call from them too#like... my bio fam/family of origin is just not good at keeping in touch and i know i'm a product of that#and i know theoretically how to adjust for it but it does require work on the other end of the line too#and unfortunately i know my bio family too well and know they won't do their part#i grew up in the group project everyone hates#and i'm on my way to deciding they can show up to the presentation day without me#i've started a new family project over here with blackjack and hookers
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anyways I need so desperately to meet other people whose family is all still in Iran. No shade to the few Iranian friends Iāve had/have but like. Well one of them was like āI would like to go but I just canāt with the government like thatā and one reason they can be that comfortable saying that is because a lot of their extended family is here in the us. If I said that then I would never get to see anyone from my extended family. like do you understand how thereās no choice in that situation for me.
#vt.talk#a lot of people in my family have died (part of the effect of having a very large family) and yet Iāve never been to one funeral#itās because plane tickets are expensive and my family has for the most of my life been in a state where we have to save for these things#thereās a lot of experiences I realize now that I āmissed out onā because the money my parents couldāve put towards other things went to#family or visiting family. Iām not upset. Iām glad Iāve gotten to meet with my extended family. I think itās been better#but it makes you. it makes.#also at least my familyās entire thing is that the last is painful and if you stay on it you will drown#Iāve gotten scolded. kinda. for showing a lot of emotion over things like this. also the whole no one will believe you if youāre emotional#which when I think of how mossadeghs emotions were used against him. ough.#but yeah it comes into play now when people around me are like :o this thing in history/the present day is so horrible Iām so mad!!!#and Iām sitting here almost emotionless. I hate myself for it sometimes.#whatever rant over
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#so. funny story bc I want to be a little melodramatic right now and I've earned it#this became one of my favorite songs back in 2018 ? maybe 2019 ? and it has been since#tom was not even a thought in my mind at that point in my life#when I found it. I had no idea#I loved stevie. she led me to tom. but not YET#but there's THIS. mike was right there this whole time akdhjsjs#and sometimes I wonder if we're kinda. Meant to find these people. our favorite people y'know#I didn't get that it was him back then but I figured it out through tom eventually. and you know what?#I couldn't be more grateful#I literally cannot express how grateful I am that I found him lol#so when I'm in the tags like aaaa I love him. and being totally annoying about it. (don't sugarcoat I know I am) it's REAL.#his music has been there for me and is more reliable than anyone I've ever actually met and I love it#and I'm just now realizing how much more his music has been there for me without me even realizing it at the time#ANYWAY. he's also possibly one of the most talented people ever in the world and no I don't take criticism on that#and it makes me sad sometimes that I don't really have a lot of people anymore to share that with#seems like once I stopped posting about tom all the time my blog kinda. died#so. I've been getting a little bit frustrated about it being the tom show around here#and I'm sorry if that ever came across or made anyone uncomfortable. not my intention at all#I just took it all a little too personally when I shouldn't have#kind of an.. isolating experience tho#aaand I don't remember where else I was going with that but enjoy the song akjshdjs#it's really good š proud of my favorite guy#(as always š)#did I mention most talented ever?#ok shhh I'm done
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is there a way to block one single post without necessarily blocking the whole person
#every time the 'actually Kar/lach's endings are good because it's realistic or whatever' post shows up on my dash#my nerves ruin my whole day#and like it's fiction. death of the author and all that shit.#not the hill I want to fight people on#it's just that I immediately want to throw up and stop functioning#jesus fucking christ is it my actual trigger or something#and if so why would it fucking be#sigh#anyway really curious how I see people say 'it's a good representation of being in a relationship with a terminally ill person!'#and then I see people say 'I have a heart condition and I did not need a fantasy game to remind me of rEaLiTy'#anyway regardless of that point even#it's the glaring gaps in her quest content that make it all so much worse#but ooooh apparently giving the sweetest character of the cast who has ALREADY been through shit on par with everyone else#(look me in the eyes and tell me her backstory without the looming death wasn't already on par with Asta/rion)#is cool and realistic and the unfairness is the point--#how about you fuck all the way off#'the character kicked around by life dies in the end' is the worst trope#ask Arcadia Bay if it's still standing in my playthrough#anyway to Aver/nus we go#I am censoring all the names 'cause I don't want to start a fight#have your opinions just gods I wish I didn't have to look at them#purely for my own selfish sanity
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